


To The Love, You Took From Me

by Supernaturalist1234



Category: Avengers: Infinity War (Marvel Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Can be read as friendship, How Do I Tag, Hurt No Comfort, Only Peter and Tony actually show up, The romance is only there for a second but it's still there, This takes place between Infinity War and Homecoming, the rest are just mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:01:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21527155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Supernaturalist1234/pseuds/Supernaturalist1234
Summary: They all read the signs so, so wrong. Peter should’ve said something, anything, that would’ve indicated that something was wrong. More wrong.
Relationships: Happy Hogan & Peter Parker, May Parker & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Ned Leeds/Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 7
Kudos: 53





	To The Love, You Took From Me

Peter looks around, trying not to focus on the spinning that his head is trying to pull him into. It doesn’t work; if anything, it makes it worse. The slight ringing in his ears dials up from the dull murmuring it usually is to a sharp ache. He winces. 

He is waiting outside Mr. Stark’s office-lab-thing, trying not to throw up. It is difficult; he’s close to full sensory overload. Closer than he has been in a while. The lights are burning his retinas, the graycange colors flushing almost everything else out. He pauses. Graycange. He had made up the color awhile ago, and had almost forgot its existence. But there it is. He lets out a soft chuckle, almost immediately regretting it when the movement makes his suit shift against his skin. He had stolen Ned’s sweater during school so it would prevent some of the rubbing while also overpowering some of the more powerful smells around him. Anger, sweat, stress, coffee. On him, anxiety, Aunt May, cinnamon. Blood. 

Sometimes he wonders if he had been bitten by a tiny radioactive dog instead of a spider. He had noticed soon after the bite that he could smell different emotions; sometimes he could even detect whether or not people were sick. 

But dogs can only see certain colors, can’t they? Peter is the opposite. He sees more colors than he could have ever imagined and stopped seeing certain others. Like magenta. Yellow. At least, what he was taught is yellow. With the help of Google, he had been able to figure out what he sees and what others see so he could continue being a superhero spider-human under the radar.

He had considered telling May. Or Ned. But he had realized that if he mentioned that he sees new colors, it wouldn’t be long before whoever he told would start asking questions about other things. And eventually, that would lead them to find out about the overload days. The days when it feels like his blood is boiling, when any touch feels like being stabbed. And he knows what being stabbed feels like. About panic attacks. No one needs that on their plates. 

Especially not the days when his senses are perfectly calm. Yet it still takes him an hour to remember how to breathe. When steel beams and concrete are crushing his chest, burning boxes pushing against his back. A heartbeat, not his, stopping. A heart that is his, slowing down, stuttering. 

So he keeps it to himself. He comes up with dumb names for the colors he sees. Like graycange. He breathes when he can. He laughs at jokes and enjoys the days he isn’t lying when he says he’s fine. The nights he can sleep. 

Peter knows anyone would freak out. May would demand that he see a doctor. She would demand that he stops being  _ Spider-Man _ . Ned would tell May. He would do it because of concern for his friend, so Peter wouldn’t - couldn’t - be mad, but he still doesn’t need Ned to have that guilt. Even Happy would freak out. He would pretend that he isn’t freaking out, keep his face perfectly stoic, but he would be. And he’d tell May. 

The only person who might not flip out is Mr. Stark. He might not even care at this point. He’d probably even be annoyed. Peter had a sneaking suspicion everyone might be annoyed, but Mr. Stark especially. Peter thought that after Toomes(Crushing walls, water filling in) they had been a bit closer. Mr. Stark called to check-in, and as rare as they were he enjoyed the calls. They had occasional meetups when the city got hard to handle. The times it was an empty suit began to decrease. But now the check-ins had stopped, and he had to keep a hospital-grade first aid kit filled with suturing supplies and bandages. It had all… Just stopped. No more calls, no more meet-ups.

He’s lucky if he gets a message from FRIDAY on whether or not the suit is okay. But it’s fine. Mr. Stark is probably busy anyway, and Peter is a little relieved he doesn’t have to deal with the guilt of keeping Mr. Stark away from the actually important things. He still had May, (Even if she is getting steadily busier and skirting around him more often since the big reveal…) and Ned, (He has been crushing on Betty since forever, and has been hanging out with her friend group more often, blowing Peter off more and more as well…), and MJ. (She was one of the few constants left in his life. But he has been distancing himself after she nearly got kidnapped by one of the pissed off guys he’d been fighting. She doesn’t even know what happened, but she started hanging out with Ned. Peter sometimes thinks they are competing to ask Betty to the next dance.) But he’s glad they are getting lives, and he has a healing factor for a reason! Peter is fine. Really. 

He shakes his head, breaking himself a little out of his thoughts. He is here right now, isn’t he? Peter gives the room another once-over, regretting it again. ‘Why can’t he just stay present?’

Spider-Man had gotten an invitation to an event last night, and Mr. Stark said Peter should go. He had agreed if nothing else besides the fact that Mr. Stark had called him. Not the other way around. Peter had been leaving him alone more often, stopping calling even Happy with evening checkups and baddies reports. And now Mr. Stark had called him, so it might be working? Mr. Stark had seemed concerned about something over the phone. It made him wonder if something happened to Ms. Potts. It had made Peter’s gut twist with a mixture of guilt and worry. (Or that could’ve been the stab wound. He’d laughed at the blood gushing, which might’ve been an indicator that he was delirious, but it was fine.) 

“Peter, good. You’re here.” Peter startles, realizing it had been nearly a half an hour since he last looked around. Why can’t he focus? He has been losing himself more than he wanted to admit. Shifting through passages of time as though he isn’t even there. He internally shakes himself, almost physically pushing himself out of his thoughts again. He looks up, seeing Mr. Stark there in all his glory. 

“Hi! Uh, yes. School got out early and… um… sorry.” Mr. Stark raises an eyebrow. Whether it’s because Peter almost jumped onto the ceiling or because of the abrupt shutoff of his words to apologize, he isn’t sure. Peter must look like a mess. Mr. Stark seems to consider something, opening his mouth to say something before closing it and shaking his head. He swiftly turns around, motioning for Peter to follow. 

Peter sighs inaudibly, getting up and following. He can’t help but feel as though he is exhausted already. His skin is crawling. At least he is wearing his suit. Even if it is one of the more uncomfortable items in his closet, at least it has lenses. It could block out some of the information coming into his brain. And he could talk with Karen about one thing or another. Just to keep himself distracted. All he has to do is avoid having a breakdown in the middle of a crowded room filled with cameras. No big deal. (Easier said than done.) 

He winces at the noise of the door closing behind them. He plasters on a smile whenever Mr. Stark turns around, but it doesn’t seem to be very convincing from the way Mr. Stark narrows his eyes at Peter.

‘Why does he care now, anyway?’ Peter dismisses the bitter thought as quickly as it enters his head. He is too tired to be angry right now, it would hurt Peter more anyways since he wouldn’t talk about it. He doesn’t want to hate Mr. Stark. And harboring thoughts like that could only lead down one road. He focuses on steeling himself for what he expects to be a long, long night. Mr. Stark is probably just looking back to make sure Peter won’t embarrass him at the event. 

_ ‘Let’s get this over with.’ _

If only Peter knew how wrong he is. His loved ones hadn’t stopped caring about him - if anything, it’s the opposite. They’re worried about him. May has been giving him space, trying to let him come to her. Ned knew something was up and thought that him being there would be more of a problem, so he focused on pretending things were fine. MJ was still trying to reach out, being more perceptive than others. But she knows when she is being pushed away. She eventually joined the leave-Peter-alone club, hanging out with Ned. But it wasn’t Betty that MJ and Ned were competing to ask to the dance. And Tony Stark? He thought he was harming Peter in some way. He thought that he should let Peter cool down, make it so Peter could distance himself if he wanted to. So Peter wouldn’t get stuck in this life. So he wouldn’t have all the same issues Tony did. They all thought he needed space. 

They all read the signs so, so wrong. Peter should’ve said something, anything, that would’ve indicated that something was wrong. More wrong. More than the ‘teenage hormone phase’. But he’s a better actor than everyone thought. Peter was getting worse. Everyday. And a doughnut-shaped spaceship descending from the sky would make sure he never got better. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This is mostly just a barf of headcanons and angst, but whatever. Thanks to my wonderful beta improbablyamartian. The title is from Just My Soul Responding by Amber Run. It doesn't really match unless you are really creative, but I like this lyric. If there is anything else that needs to be tagged, don't be afraid to let me know! I'm always open to criticism. Look at me, assuming people will read this.


End file.
